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Dating the younger man

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Up until about four months ago, I’d been single for a little over three years. At first, I very much wanted to be single, but once that passed, I just couldn’t find the right person. I want someone who has developed a very specific voice for their dog that adequately represents their personality.

All of them were around my age, maybe a year or two older, but none of them stuck. Someone who is emotionally intelligent and compassionate. I want to be with the type of man who stands up for a pregnant woman on the bus, and doesn't yell things out of car windows.

Which has led to dating being something more like a high school reenactment of Waiting for Godot rather than any sort of clarity on where you stand with the person who bought you drinks the week prior.

But date a younger guy or girl, and the respect just seems to follow.

And though I spent far too much time while we were dating worrying about appearances despite my male friends assurances that “older women are hot! And in talking to friends on all sides of the aisle, it looks like I’m not alone — dating young, even for all the jokes about MILFs and dirty old men, has some very compelling benefits. Handcuffs fell into that category; while I’d been lightly tied up before, never with any real efficacy that didn’t immediately dissolve into general rolling around.

” (file that one under ‘not helpful advice to tell a woman on her birthday), dating Jake , young, young Jake, turned out to be the best thing I could do for my dating life, my sex life, and my self confidence. After a quick trip to the Halloween store, I had procured a cheap pair of handcuffs; one Snapchat and two hours later, Jake and I were laughing our way through the fact that I thought kids’ metal handcuffs sure to lacerate my arteries were the best way to explore.

But having a relationship with a younger person gives you the plausible deniability to do multiple shots at a bar without getting the stink eye from your friends, which, in turn, puts less pressure on being a “couple” right away — and in every young relationship I’ve been in, the ones where I haven’t felt the need to present my best self 24/7 have been the ones that ended up stronger because of it.

With all the hormones of a teenager, but all the shoulder muscles of a young Alec Baldwin, Jake and I ultimately did little else except watch sports and fuck.It was actually on a birthday of mine, one a few years past 25, that I slept with my first younger man — a co-worker I assumed was my age, or a few months younger at best. So quiet, in fact, that when he brought up trying light bondage in bed once, my best friend’s reply to hearing about his request was “He’s said five words to you total, and one of them was handcuffs?!He turned out to be a whole five years younger than me — four, if you’re generously rounding, two when I talked to my friends about him — but in actuality, a full five years younger than I was at the time. ” But Jake’s request to try out handcuffs brought something else starkly into focus: that until I was deeply, deeply in a committed relationship, I was often reticent to try anything new, mainly for fear of looking stupid.What the handcuffs did lead to, though, was my own realization that the younger your partner, the more open they are to being Good, Giving, and Game — noted sex therapist Dan Savage’s theory that the best sex comes from partners being kind, generous, and up to try anything.Jake had less experience than I did, but instead of getting nervous and giggly like some other people in my bed, he was game to try things. When I was 36, I had a brief, wonderful affair with a lovely 24-year-old entrepreneur I met on an airplane.